Clench 5000
You are credentialed by an industry association. You were trained at an exclusive academic institution. Journals of repute have published your work. Acclaimed by the financial media, feted by lobbyists — who can blame you for overconfidence? Only the jealous! Still, appearances must be kept. What is the solution?
“…nary a hair will move on your head nor an eyebrow raise in confidence.…”
- Exalted Technician of the Photocopier
Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe
For only €10 million in bank reserves
New! From Eurodollar Enterprises
Friends, are you a central banker? Do you celebrate monetary accomplishments before they occur? Do you struggle in credibly promising to be irrational? Then the new Clench 5000 from Eurodollar Enterprises is for you!
Yes, simply place this refashioned, stainless-steel mousetrap in your trousers or pencil skirt for your next press conference. Nary a hair will move on your head nor an eyebrow raise in confidence. Nary a smile will cross your face before the policy transmits successfully through the economy. Rest easy that your days of premature celebration are over with the knowledge that the Clench 5000 is hair-trigger sensitive. The Clench 5000!